I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
