and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
