Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
