If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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