All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
