A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
