Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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