Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
They have beer where we have blood.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
