What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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