It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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