There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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