Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
