just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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