literally had 100 drinks last night.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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