Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
