He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
