Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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