Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
