ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
