woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
