I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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