I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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