i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Randomize
