Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
