he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
