I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
