508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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