I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
