haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
