all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
