after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
