i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
