I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
