Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
