Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
