i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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