I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
