so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
