i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
