the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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