well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
