We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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