better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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