just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
