I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
