Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He felt like a one man threesome
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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