FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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