i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
