so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
