I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
